WHO WOULD CARE ABOUT MY MUSIC?
My music has been posted for about 3 days. When I first thought about posting these songs, I had mixed feelings. Questions like: "who cares?"; "what if everyone hates them?"; and "who'd want to hear incomplete songs?" fluttered in my mind.

Then, I reminded myself... this blog, journal, and part of the site are for *me*. Whether I get 1, 10, 100, or 1000 people a day, they're my thoughts and at least one perspective of my life for me chronicle.

Can you relate?
It's a pretty self-righteous notion that someone might walk away with something after hearing or seeing something you've created... I mean, what if someone can relate to *just one* fleeting thought that became a song, picture or an entry in my journal? Answer: Relief and relation. From emails to IMs, to conversation, already, people that relayed messages that they could truly relate with some of the feelings I shared in my songs and journal. [a form of group therapy, I guess. :) ]

Why Dark music?


Lesson to Self: capture and mould the light.

MUSIC SECTION LAUNCHED.
[visit the music page]
Another section of "MY.LIFE" is live today. I'm approaching my songwriting a bit different than most. I'm sharing my songs while their still in development... raw, live and unpolished. Hell, some I haven't even completed some of them yet. Over time, you'll be able to hear these songs mature into a CD project. (hopefully)

WANNA BE LISTED ON THE CD?
If you actually like one of songs, tell me why. If you email me a pre-CD review, and I'll post it with a link to your site as well as list you in the upcoming CD booklet. Seriously, bookmark the music page, and enjoy the process as much as I am.

FUTURE OF MUSIC
Other ideas I have are:

Work in some polls to vote on songs.

Post voice-only clips for others others to remix. (the best ones I'll include on the CD)

It's all about creativity, so go listen.
peace-
seanrox

DANCES WITH FAME. Seems the topic of "fame" and perceived "fame" has arisen several times in the past few days, and in recent months, it appears that it's easier to become famous than land a decent, secure job. In defense of my own statement, I believe that a level of fame can be the answer to a level of security down-the-road. Allow me to explain: Frat-Boy Connection: More you know... more know you. Or is it vice-versa? It's what I call the frat-boy or "good-ol'-boy" network of which I've been an outsider for most of my life. The concept is simple: network with the people you know, because this is your most valuable resource. If you're good at what you do, people respect that, and are willing to network for you. The more people that know you the greater your fame... more people that position you in their mind as "great", the greater level of value that fame embodies. It's common branding. Create it. Creating fame through your brand, message, and position. In this tumultuous and downsizing economy, I've worked with quite a few companies, organizations, and individuals on getting their "brand", "message" together. We all have something to sell. Let's be ourselves and thoughtfully figure out what people might want from us, and what we're willing to offer. In that order. FameCaseStudy#1: mscinny... fame in reverse. While working with cinny developing her site, we truly didn't know what she had "sell" at first . It wasn't obvious. We simply created the "mscinny" brand, and let it roll from there. Recently laid-off from her executive adminstrative position at BigBlue, what could she offer an audience? In that role, not much. Since our development resources were limitless, we decided to simply create a venue where she could voice her opinions and share her warm and personable stories of her daily adventures. A veteran in the technology world, and a fan of local music, cinny shares with the world vignettes of personal of her experiences with people such as: bigtime rockstars she meets, local bands, technology gurus, friends she meets via the Internet, to that everyday guy that has a story to share. She elevates each of these people to a status of "celebrity". In return, she retains fame. A promotion machine of the common man. Reality for her becomes entertainment for you. With the friends and family of those she includes in her chronicles of life, her audience grows. The eventual hope is that one of these individuals, or someone they know, will need services she can render. This administrative assistant with a love of local music, has attained a level of "celebrity" by being herself. A perpetual promotion machine that focused on others more than herself... and in the process, she is entertained as well as having a venue to create and vent. God bless the web. FameCaseStudy#2: seanrox... thru mixed affiliation. Being a creative media professional, my work strongly influences the perception of my own persona. For some people, distinguishing between the my creation and my personality is sometimes difficult. Working with CJ, a very popular adult shock-humor and entertainment site, the perception of me is much different than my work with a design account for PrimroseSchools, the web site for a chain of high-class childcare centers . Two very different projects, two very different audiences. This *should* show my dexterity in creativity and design and not idolize my personality. Mixed perception. Perception is everything. Am I considered the curator of edgey-design for a dedicated audience of millions? Or a designer with an ability to sink his teeth into a brand to convey a message? Either way... this associated fame could become limiting as a designer, and can introduce a level of complexity in my own perceived celebrity. Re-establishing the creative seanrox brand. With this new Version 5.0 of seanrox.com, for the first time, I'm attempting to blend my professional and personal lives. The focus: creativity. Creativity in visual design and comfort in open, creative thought. All I have to "sell" is what I am willing to offer. I offer creative thought and production. *That* is what I want the perception to be. Having worked on projects in virtually every industry, I've realized, I enjoyed them all and each gave me insight on how to effectively handle the next. Future of seanrox.com As I plan the future of seanrox, there aren't barriers in morality. In the end, for me, it's enjoying the work I do. Whether for heavy-industry, technology, entertainment... if my interest is there, as am I. As the reality of the seanrox persona and brand become more complex with the addition of music, fine-art, broadband media, the brand with simplify. Odd, isn't it? As you gain more fame, the less you must explain it... that's the answer. The key is for people to know that when they need creativity... one word: seanrox. Snicker as you will... the point for me is... the time to network is always now, and the more people that know about me the more secure my future will be. Now, let us end in a prayer. ;) peace- seanrox PS... AdamCurry's MTV Chronicles He's got the beginning of a good idea. (but his design sucks ass, sorry adam.)

REFUELING CYCLE.
I'm noticing the cycle. October and November -- a time of vibrations. Elation... A pennacle of release. The holidays, then the gray new year.

As if my entire self dives, cocoons, drains itself to the ultimate point of devastion, then distraught and weary, refuels for a new beginning by the end of February. Three years... the cycle repeats. (as I recall... other years resemebled this pattern as well)

Lesson to Self: Don't Live the Cycle.
Today, amidst this annual refueling, my eyes seem to be squinting less at the light and more aware of any new possibilities before me. Nothing in particular... just a general sensation of this regeneration. Before this begins sounding like a foreshadow-happy character bit in a nameless film script, I've musn't lose focus on actually living each day. Don't live the cycle... just allow it.

As selfish as it may be... at this time of growth, continue loosen the reigns on those which share not a mutual measure of communication and sharing. Encourage those I may empede to do the same. Then, embrace the balance of creativity and communication with whomever I desire, if anyone at all.

WHY AT&T BROADBAND SUCKS MY ASS. -- by seanrox
It's a intrepid tale of inadequacy and severe case of customer service "I don't give a shit".

So it ends... The new cable modem came out of the box swiftly, power, ethernet, and cable connected within seconds. Pop the browser open. Hallelujah! Google! After NINE days of hell, this webdesign.geek was free to live once again. You would think replacing a simple piece of hardware would be easy. Not so.... not with the reich of AT&T Broadband Customer Service. This isn't the full story just bits and pieces... Wednesday... SUPPORT So, last weekend, my broadband modem just stops working. No "cable" light. The line is good, and everything else is cool. I need a new modem. Sounds simple enough... muhahahaha. No. I make my way thru the 5 minute maze of telephone menus to get to customer support. They answer, and walk me thru the same ol' "do this, then that" stuff, then agree, yep the modem is busted. I need a new one. We try to schedule to get someone out... someone will call me the next day from local DISPATCH to set-up an appointment. Thursday... NO DISPATCH PHONECALL DAYONE. I wait for my phonecall... no one calls, so I call SUPPORT to find out what's up. They don't know, they can't call dispatch. So, I call the other two other possible departments in AT&T (BILLING & MOVING) to see if I can get some help. A lady in BILLING says she can set up an appointment for next Wednesday. Next Wednesday!?!?!?!?! Are you kidding me? That's 7 days!!!!! Worse: my appointment window is from 8am-8pm!!!! She tells me that DISPATCH *will* still call me, and this date will be a just a back-up appointment.... Friday... WRONG! DAY TWO. Friday now... no phonecall from DISPATCH. I call support again. I'm told, "you have an appointment for next Wednesday, they won't call you!" HUH? BILLING screwed me!!! They confirm that as well. I'm screwed til Wednesday... "nothing you can do sir". Saturday/Sunday... withdrawls from dependency DAYS THREE & FOUR. Never realized how deep-seated the Internet has become in my daily existence. No phonebook, no IM/Email, no file-download, no news-on-demand, no TV schedules, no streaming music, no blogging, no web design, no sending out proposals, no trivia-solving, no mindless websurfing, no shopping, no paying bills online... basically, except for work, I was a single, tech-junkie drying out after a 9 year online binge. I was useless, and meandering thru my daily life without direction. I tried to read a book I've been meaning to read and watch DVDs as well... then wanted to cross-reference... couldn't-- no web. It was like "half" an experience. Lord knows how I made it thru the weekend. Monday...CHECK-IN DAY FIVE. Feeling it was my duty, I go thru the phone menu olympics to SUPPORT to ensure my appointment still exists. I have to tell my story over and over again... cable modem this and that. The appointment exists still. Good. Tuesday... CHECK-IN NERVOUS DAY SIX. Same thing... "cable modem, cable modem, cable modem"... appointment set for tomorrow 8am-8pm. sheesh. Wednesday... ARRIVAL??? DAY SEVEN. I awake early to ensure I don't sleep thru the door-knock.... Long day. I call SUPPORT a couple times to ensure that someone will come out today to replace my cable modem. They assure me everything is cool. 7pm rolls around, I'm getting nervous. I call SUPPORT again. They assure me everything is cool. Few minutes after 7pm, technician at the door!!!! Excited, I run down to the door. The tech asks, "cable TV?". I say, "actually cable modem". We turns around and walks away saying, "I don't do that." Wrong guy. WHAT!?!?!?!?!?! SEVEN days plus the 11 hours I've waited on that day, and they sent the wrong guy! This dick was so useless, he wouldn't even try to call DISPATCH to get someone over that *could* help me. Told me to call SUPPORT. (Might I mention, I'm livid at this time, ready to punch ANYONE?) Support gets a piece of my mind... I get thru to support to tell my tale... "Steve" in Utah is useless to help me deal with DISPATCH. He looks at my information and tells me that I had been signed up for "CABLE TV installation"!!!! What? I have a cable modem issue! "Sorry, sir" guess someone messed up. I guess so!!!! Not only could Steve in Utah not get ahold of DISPATCH... he wouldn't connect me with his supervisor "James" (whom has no last name, Steve tells me), but also tells me that "this is the way it is". Wrong thing to tell me. Steve in Utah received the brunt piece of my mind... mostly for being a dumb-ass... I knew he couldn't really help me.... and that's the frustrating part. AT&T is a pile of redtape shit that empowers NONE of it's employees to really help the customer. AT&T sucks my ass. Anyway, I got an appointment for Friday (two days later)... 3 hour window (instead of 12hours).... the guy came and I'm up. I will get my revenge. Just you wait.

AT&T BEAURACRACY SUCKS MY ASS
More on this later.

WHEW.
Before this blog gets too intense... it's time to turn that wicked page, and tonight... I'll be brief.

Topic to be repeatedly sodomized.
Creativity. Prepare to tackle this amazing subject again and again.

To self...
Ideas aren't necessarily creativity . It's putting those ideas into motion that takes creativity. That's all for tonight... 60mins of brand new That70sShow episodes and SavingSilverman can make one weary.

I'll continue tomorrow...
peace-
seanrox

BAND CAMP SYNDROME. :(
A dear friend of mine and I were having a conversation about the recent software convention she had just returned from, and she shared something that drained every ounce of trust and I once had in the honesty of our supposed intelligent society. Nearly 24hours later, since the conversation, and it's still actively gnawing away at my surprisingly naive mind. The congregation appearently sings, "The mice will play; love the one your with; and he'll/she'll never know!"

Before we dive...
Before I can dive into this subject, I cannot claim to be the moral epiphany. Due to a weak moment that led to infidel many years ago, my concience haunts me... even to this day. The thought of hurting someone again by whimsically blurring my own line of honesty to my partner is now unbearable. The thought of sharing moments of intimacy with others outside that bond... a true tragedy. Maybe lack of moral fiber in society is what's to blame. Or maybe it's just the age-old... "who's gonna know?" vying for power in the mind. After my time of weakness, I felt as though I was the worst person alive. After my conversation, I've now learned other people simply don't care, don't learn a lesson, and it's "accepted" by everyone around.

A thick web of deceit revealed to the naive mind.
General stories she tells. (Why am I talking like yoda?) Anyway... stories where it's "general practice" to hook-up with someone while on these trips, despite your marital status or other relationships you may hold dear when you're at home. She relays... that it's a common practice. "No big deal. Everyone cheats." Once again, my jaw drops. Common practice?

To shack?
My friend was asked by someone at the conference why they had come back to the room so early. (the intention was, why hadn't she shacked up with someone else that night.) This person knew that my friend was dating someone, yet this line of thought was "the norm" for the conference. I know I'm showing my complete ignorance and naivity, but I was astonished.

Who's the pig?
We often hear that men are pigs. In this post-modern world with mixed-gender management teams heading to such events as described, it appears that men don't monopolize the swine's way. Married men and women with families at home, and a total disregard to any bond or oath they've accepted. Like a hot, sweaty, hormonal teens acting out wet dreams at bandcamp... these are our friends, parents, bosses... and most importantly our own mates.

To self...
Learn to forgive myself... it's been 10 years already! This new knowledge definately won't help my already over-active mind, and this is why I must share my fears, and my new general lack of faith in people around me. Despite this new information, I must keep to my faith in those I choose to develop relationships. For my own sanity, I must trust. I must believe in my future partners, and if I've chosen them, they should be the type of person to have the courtesy and consideration for me to worry not. (more yoda talk)

To others...
Rethink. Be kind, and remember how your mate is going on a business trip next week.

peace-
seanrox

KNOWING WHEN.
If there's anything we learn as we grow, it's our own limitations. Seems rather anti-growth to even say that.. but true. To tell yourself you can't physically can't run the mile under 4 minutes or you can't drink a bottle of alcohol and function properly can be a healthy thing. To know "when" you need to change your train of thought, even more important.

In my job and my life in general, I've been successfull with doing more with less. It's fulfulling to know you can. At work, fixing broken things works, but you can't fix people without their consent. You can't influence someone, unless they want it. The spirit of mutual growth and change must be there... and if that's your path, then you must know "when", and step out of denial. For me, I must try to know "when" today.

To self... keep hope alive.
Is it sad? Absolutely. At first it's like giving up hope, and I never want to be that guy. Today, I have to ponder my own personal hope. I invest so much in others and selflessly get lost in that hope for others that I forget about my own hope.

What is my hope? To love with all my being, and to be loved back consistently, without fail. To share and create a grand product of two individuals. As time passes and I share my hope again with another... sometimes it feels like rhetoric, but I still need to believe in this hope.

Adore them all
With so much wickedness in this world. I want to hold dear those that I've shared so much with. To keep connections alive, and not let them lay dormant or go sour. There's a reason that these "connections" in our life happen, and shouldn't be discounted. Rather, we should value them and love them with a balanced heart more and more with each passing day.

These people are threads and patches in your personal fabric, value them. If you've ever loved, don't forget how.... and know "when" to keep loving everyone you can. These special people have become a part of you. So love them.

It's not about knowing when to stop loving. It's about knowing when to change your course.

peace-
seanrox

I'VE BEEN ORDAINED.
It's for real... I'll be reading up on how to perform marriages.

"YOU'RE NOT CRAZY, YOU'RE DRIVING YOURSELF INSANE"
Whoa. Some people may have just let that paraphrased line slide. Kind of hit home. Watched "Girl Interrupted" last night. I've heard the book was better, but the essence of the story really was "there" for me in 3D and flashing lights.

Creative Curse
Historically, society considered the creative and inspired odd and dangerous. What I pulled from this movie was that "Creatives" are more dangerous to their own well-being than to society as a whole. The war of creative thought, rationalism vs. conceptual thought can often be too much to bear... leading to a sense of surrealism in life. Good for producing creative thought, bad for living the mundane day-to-day.

To self
Since I started this new journal many of the thoughts I've shared have been heavy at times, and really not as cryptic as I would have thought. Objective lessons through serious thought. Seems writing them down gets them out of my head and makes room for further thought. Otherwise, the maddening clutter blocks reality from view... or so it sometimes feels. The release is most important. Through design, music, writing, drawing, and conversation... this is how we can express, and keep ourselves sane. If this is you, surround yourself with listeners.

.. but of course, just as Whoopi Goldberg, I'm not a doctor.
peace-
seanrox